“All of a sudden my darling little [insert name] has started to talk back to me, use a tone of such anger and rudeness… and I just cannot cope with it. I will not tolerate rudeness and disrespect in our family.”
I get it.
Kids being rude to us, talking back. using tones and words that feel hurtful, is awful.
But can we just hold the phone for one moment and consider the reasons that this could be happening? I think it may help to take the spotlight off the ‘behaviour’ for a second and contextualise this in the bigger scheme of overall development.
Take a Walk in Their Shoes
Imagine you are a child, and you spoke an entirely different language to your parents.
When Mum or Dad use expressions ‘control your behaviour’, ‘making good choices’, ‘behaving with respect’ or ‘don’t you use THAT tone with me…’ it’s like they are saying things in a language you do not understand, AT ALL.
Because that’s what we do.
We read books, we consider theories, and we research solutions.
But those solutions are so often about things we can DO, rather than things we can BE.
The brains of young children are developing faster than at any other time of our lives.
And their healthy development depends on these top five things to reach full potential:
- Healthy home
Here is Molly, who is seven years old (yes, seven!) doing a Ted Talk about it.
And here is a colleague of mine, a psychologist based in England, Dr Maryhan Baker. She talks about it in this 1 minute read.
To find out more about these ideas head to Thrive By Five and see what the Minderoo Foundation is up to.
Here’s to more BEING a parent, than DOING parenting for us all.
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